@soledad — I think that you summarized Habit #6 better than I ever could with “I think most of us would agree that money doesn’t buy happiness, but there is just so much cool cheap stuff to buy here, you have to be careful not to get confused.”

That’s exactly what I meant!!! I don’t think that it’s evil to spend too much on things you don’t need, but it’s probably one of those things that you should try to avoid, that’s what a bad habit is. I spend a lot of time on the computer and I shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean that I’m a terrible person, it just means that I have a bad habit.

@Mark — I agree, it is terrifying when you think of the wage gap between expats and locals in this country. However, you did raise a good point that we often ignore, the locals seem a heck of a lot happier than we are.

Makes you wonder where our priorities are, doesn’t it?

You hit the nail on the head with the “huge eye opener” comment, but I would add that its a huge eye-opener in far more ways than how much poorer people are and how much fewer opportunities they have.

Here in Dalian, most of my 20-something-year-old chinese friends are doing (I think) typical jobs and spending typical amounts of money (for Dalian, maybe not the rest of China). Most of them earn less than 1000RMB/mth and pay about 200-300RMB/mth on accommodation. They have enough money for food and generally have no worries where their next meals will come from. Health is a different matter. If they suddenly need to buy expensive medicines then they probably can’t afford it. Maybe a relative could help them out in such a situation, maybe not.

So most people I meet have most of their basic needs met. The problem is more about opportunities. For example, how to get out of a dead-end job or how to attract a husband/wife when they do not earn enough to help pay for somewhere to live together.

But despite all of this, such people generally maintain a level of cheerfulness I do not see back home in the west. Indeed, when I go to more upmarket cafes (chinese-style) here in Dalian where the clientele are much richer than average, it strikes me how much more miserable they are. If most people in China were like the people in those cafes then I probably wouldn’t want to be in China at all. Indeed the waitresses in those cafes look miserable too, I guess because of the way the customers talk to them.

When I see locals or foreigners splashing the cash around, it doesn’t bother me at all. It more reminds me of how I don’t want to be, which is a good thing. I just hope that when we “use our advantages to somehow help our fellow humans” we do it for their benefit and not to make them like we are, which IMHO in most cases would be a step backwards.

These actions are not necessarily bad or evil in of themselves, but as HABITS they can become detrimental to your experience in this country and possibly to your actual being. People get SO touchy when they think they are being judged…rest assured friends, I think this article was simply pointing out some potential dangers for expats to watch out for. They were also some things I was just beginning to notice and identify in myself, so even if not everyone can identify I thank Glen for pointing them out for my own sake.

Now my own two cents on some things that seem to be facing some controversy on the message board:

#3 The Rut: Every other country I’ve traveled in I really try to act like a local: go where they go, eat where they eat, make friends with locals, etc. I personally did not come here to surround myself with English speakers and familiar settings. If you did then that’s fine and falling into this habit shouldn’t really be any concern of yours. Anyway, I realized it’s much more difficult to do this here than other places when I noticed myself drawn to certain “comfort spots,” either Western establishments or places I can go and point at things and not have to communicate much. Guess what – my Mandarin is not getting any better from doing this, and I’m not trying many fun new things. I don’t feel bad for going to Starbucks sometimes, but am gradually realizing that I might need to venture far, far out of my comfort zone before I can really enjoy the “real” China.

#6 – has this one been exhausted yet? Eh I don’t care, here it goes…
I don’t think Glenn was criticizing EVERYONE who chooses to indulge a bit here. I think we all do it, and we all do it in different ways. Personally I like to indulge in expensive Starbucks coffee. I don’t NEED coffee but it sure makes me a lot happier when I drink it. I don’t NEED to own every season of Scrubs on dvd, but it makes me laugh so I do. People don’t NEED help around the house, it is a luxury (all negative connotations aside), but they are busy and I’m sure it makes life so much easier. Number 6 was just a reminder that MODERATION IS KEY. It’s easy for us to become accustomed to luxury and decadence to the point of dependence. I have a feeling that upon my distant future return to the US I will feel quite resentful of having to pay twenty bucks for a dvd. It sounds like those of you who do have hired help are genuinely appreciative and respectful to said workers (I loved Ryan’s “respect can fill a lot of gaps between wages” – beautifully said), as well as still being capable of doing things by yourself, which is awesome! Just be wary. I think most of us would agree that money doesn’t buy happiness, but there is just so much cool cheap stuff to buy here, you have to be careful not to get confused.

Finally, a little post-university idealism:
People, seriously, take a moment to realize something: being born Western means that, through no action or deed of our own, almost all of us were born wealthier and with more opportunities than most of the world. Like it or not, that is a reality. I’m NOT telling you to feel guilty, clearly no one has control of where they were born. I’m just saying. True, some of us have worked very hard and achieved a lot for ourselves. But comparatively speaking we have a undeserved advantage over many people. Recognize that. Think about it. Do something, or do nothing about it, but at least see it. One thing that shocks me here is how long and hard people work everyday – more than me in most cases, and I feel like I’m a very hard worker. Are they less deserving of drinking delicious expensive coffee than I am? No. Absolutely not. Just because we will never live in a perfect world where everyone can do the job they want to be doing and live in the degree of luxury they choose does not mean we shouldn’t try.

I may not feel guilt but I do feel extremely sad that there are migrant kids here who are barely getting a decent education. If you’re ok with throwing your money around while that is happening right in front of you then fine. It’s not wrong to take care of yourself and enjoy life. But I think that one of the most important lessons of living abroad should be as huge eye opener to how most of the rest of the world is, and perhaps an encouragement to use our advantages to somehow help our fellow humans.

nothing’s wrong with hiring someone to clean your house so long as you pay the going wage. you’re not actively exploiting anyone by giving them a job, provided you pay a decent salary compared to what someone else will pay them. chances are the average maid in china thinks she’s ripping you off, because you’re paying her twice what any chinese person would pay.

and you’re not morally better off because you “choose to clean up for yourself” rather than paying someone else to do it. maybe you’re more frugal, or feel more guilty that foreigners here are paid more money to do less work than the local help, but it doesn’t make you a better person. get off your high horse.

as for behaviors, the only one that’s really detrimental is the fengwai who bitches about everything, from chinese people to other foreigners, and just repeats the same garbage over and over. those are the ones nobody wants to be around, the people with the superiority complex because they “know so much” about china. wtf if you don’t like it here, go home, eh?

I also disagree with 4, come on, any Chinese with just a little bit of money will leave the country at any chance they get, especially during the pain in the ass tourism periods like National Day and after completing their familial duties at Spring Festival.

Most people who exhibit 1 or 2 are people that came to China and it didn’t live up to what they expected or they had a really bad experience, they don’t want to be expats. For others, its understandable having not been home for a year or more that they’d want to go back and see their friends or family.

The only one that I think is dead on is 5, its definitely a problem and I’ve seen people who come over and drink morning, noon, and night.

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/johann-hari/the-dark-side-of-dubai-1664368.html

It’s curious how this entire conversation turned to the subject of the morality of domestic help without anyone really focusing on the other reason people hire ayis — China is much, much dirtier than Western countries. One of my good friends is a neat-freak but puts in 50 hour days but still needs an ayi to keep the dust level down. I’ve never had an ayi myself but at my last apartment the dust level was uncontrollable even with my girlfriend and I cleaning several hours a week. My new apartment is smaller and more manageable, thankfully — but it takes me as many hours to keep it clean each week as it did to keep my house in America clean each month!

To emphasize a point I think Chris Waugh was trying to make, having an ayi in itself isn’t moral or immoral, it’s whether you treat her and other 老百姓 with respect that matters most.