Chinese Etiquette

Impressions about Chinese etiquette vary. Many come to China with heads full of a richly cultural country, filled with traditions and customs celebrated for thousands of years. Though there remains a veil of this laying on top of modern day China, it is thin and sometimes hard to see.

In fact, what most do see upon stepping off the plane is a lot of what is generally considered quite rude in the West. People spitting and littering on the street, men relieving their bladders just behind the bushes (or not behind anything, as is often the case), and a general disregard of the fine art that we call queuing are all common sights. At the dinner table it is not much better, as it isn't considered out-of-the-norm to eat with your mouth open, while trying desperately to say as much as you can before you need to swallow.

There is however a rather intricate etiquette system in China, that has developed over a couple thousand years, and it is a good idea to at least attempt to understand it - though mastery of it is often out of reach for visitors.

Miànzi (面子) - Saving Face

You can be in China for years, paying close attention to this aspect of Chinese culture, feel you're just beginning to understand it - and then realize you don't at all. Face is a complicated system of shame and stature measurement. To "have" face is one of the most valued things, while to "lose" face is a cause of great anguish.

To keep it simple, as a foreigner you are best not to risk a situation which causes a Chinese person to lose face - even if this conflicts with your sensibilities. Shouting at, overt disagreement with, or general demeaning behavior towards a Chinese person will make what could already be a bad situation into a much worse one.

If the weasel of a salesman in the market sold you a craptastic pair of shoes that fell apart before you could walk out of the shop in them, your reaction may be to tear them a new posterior orifice, and rightfully so (as there's no shortage of cheats in the markets). However, take a moment, a deep breath, count to ten or bring on the Buddha, as anger is just going to make things worse.

Causing people to lose face can come in many forms - from the rather direct example above to the more subtle. Generally speaking foreigners have a lot of sway when it comes to this though, as Chinese people are quite accepting that us laowai really are quite lost when it comes to their culture.

Guānxi (关系) - You Are Who You Know

Directly translated guānxi means "relationship", and it is basically how much "pull" you have in society. Again, life-long devotion to understanding Chinese culture may yield little in the way of truly understanding this very complicated piece of Chinese culture. That said, here's our go at it.

About 2,500 years ago Confucius preached a system of morals and ethics designed to bring order to the then rather hedonistic and chaotic times. These rules have stuck around and have come a long way in defining guānxi. Confucius broke it down into five key relationships: ruler-subject, father-son, friend-friend, husband-wife and brother-sister. These are the core relationships and offer some insight as to who gets top say. The relationship that isn't defined by this, but plays most heavily into guanxi is that of your "connections".

It's not who you are, but who you know, definitely rings truer in China than most places. The 'most qualified' candidate has little to do with any selection process in China. From getting a new job to getting into university, much of it is dictated by the amount of guānxi you have.

Kèqì (客气) - Gesundheit!

Another area of Chinese manners that sometimes puts off foreigners is the lack of thanks that is said. In the West we tend to say 'thank you' for everything. You've just been given a cheque from Ed McMahon, "Thank you!", you've just been given the change at the grocery store, "Thank you!" - it's become an instinctive courtesy in English. For all its eagerness to osmotize Western culture, this bit hasn't transferred over. It will often baffle a waitress or shop assistant when you thank them for something that is part of their job or 'duty'.

As such, us foreigners tend to hear the phrase "bú kèqì" quite a lot. This is the appropriate response to "xiè xie/thank you" but does not quite mean "you're welcome." Rather it translates more like "no need to be so polite."

Generally speaking Chinese people strive for modesty or humbleness, and boasting or bragging will not win you any favours in China. Though it may not be rude to spit your recently defleshed chicken bones on the floor at a restaurant, arrogantly stating how far it went is. Go figure.