Why I prefer Japanese Food
After seeing what some people in China are willing to feed to human babies, it’s no wonder that so many animals in China are going the way of Blinky the 3-eyed fish on the Simpsons. Now I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but I gotta admit that the animals on this list kinda make me want to opt for some other kind of food.
6. The Seven-Legged Frog
I bet this little guy can jump really really far. I’m not sure if this frog is the result of an active Chinese effort to produce frog legs more efficiently, or if he’s just a one-in-a-billion accident. Whatever the case, little Qiqi here (that’s what I’ve named him) certainly proves that it isn’t especially easy being green — especially in Red China.
5. The 3-Legged Duck
I love Peking Duck. It’s by far my favorite Chinese food. Or at least, it used to be before I saw this po’ bastard. No word on whatever happened to this little guy, but word on the street is he landed a part time job in a photo studio somewhere in downtown Shanghai.
4. The Two-Faced Pig
Have you ever held two mirrors together edge to edge, and then slanted them to see what you could make your reflection look like? Well, I bet it would be totally mind blowing if this pig tried that.
3. The Two-Headed Turtle
This one is actually kind of cool because unlike the rest of the freaks on this list, this guy can actually pass for a normal turtle by sucking one of his heads into his shell. In keeping with the 7-legged frog, Statler and Waldorf here are further proof that it’s really tough being a reptile in the middle kingdom.
2. The Giant Rat
This is the most recent Chinese mutant to make the list. Apparently he is still in captivity down in Fujian province, being held prisoner by a man named Xian.
**UPDATE** This just in. Reports out of Fujian say that the giant rat has just been broken out of his holding cell by four equally giant Chinese turtles, who used some unknown form of martial art to fight off the cell guards. They were last seen headed for Beijing and were overheard saying, “Master Splinter! Statler and Waldorf are in trouble!”