Chinese Soccer Team Welcomes You

Floating around on the internet right now is a rare example of Chinese self-deprecating humor. It’s a parody of the Beijing Welcomes You song, which makes fun of the poor performance of the Chinese men’s soccer team. It’s called 国足欢迎你 or the National Soccer team Welcomes You, and particularly funny is how they take “our door is open” and turn it into “our goal is wide open.” Even the infamous and incredibly annoying Furong Jiejie has joined the fun.

There’s a certain admirable maturity in being able to laugh about your misfortunes, and I think whoever wrote this song should be bought a few beers. Something to catch his falling tears at least. I don’t suppose I can say much else about this, as Canada’s men’s soccer team is even worse… Hell, we don’t even have a medal yet.

Here’s a video of the song with the lyrics below.

国足欢迎你
我家球门常打开
要进几个随你
交锋过后就有了底
你会爱上这里
　　
不管远近都是客人
请不用客气
进的少了别在意
下次补给你
　　
我家住着谢亚龙
书写每段传奇
不懂足球不要紧
仕途才是第一
陌生熟悉都是客人
请不用距离
谢主席他很热情
场场督战陪你
　　
国足欢迎你
为你开天辟地
再不济的实力
也能找信心
　　
国足欢迎你
在主场上分享平局
哪怕你世界排名垫底
　　
我家球门常打开
开怀容纳天地
一个两个不算稀奇
再多也输得起
　　
天大地大都是朋友
请不用客气
场上梦游是惯例
场下才牛B
　
国足欢迎你
用净剩球感动你
你们捞足积分
我们来出局
　　
国足欢迎你
遇到中国就是福气

业余联队一样能晋级

Here’s a translation that a friend sent me, though I’m not sure if it’s for this same version:

Wide open our country’s goal,
As many you can score
After the game you know
Playing with us, you’ll love

Near or far, all guests you are
Make yourself at home
Never mind scoring too few
Next time come all over

Super hero Mr Xie,
A miracle creator.
Dumb and stupid as he is
Bossiness’s his wonder

New or old, no distance to hold
Guest you’ll always be
Mr Xie feels sorry for you
To see him all around

Welcome to play
And make your history
you’ll always be the better team,
When with us you meet

Welcome to play
And you may score as you wish
Even if last you rank
In the world of soccer

Wide open our country’s goal,
Welcome all the globe
Never just take one or two
We can offer more

Our friends around the globe
Please be our guests
On the field in dream we walk
Super duckers when we’re off

Welcome to play
More goals we always gave
3 points you may take
Dumber history we will make