Elevators are fun. I remember as a kid whenever my dad and me would ride in a crowded elevator, he’d shatter the uneasy elevator silence by loudly exclaiming “See Rick, did you ever notice that nobody talks in elevators?”
I never realized how fun elevators could be until I came to China. Having studied mandarin for a while, it’s amazing the entertainment value that comes from overhearing stuff that your Chinese elevator-mates assume you can’t understand.
Elevator Anecdote #1:
So I’m leaving my apartment on the 23rd floor, heading out to start my day. I’m fresh outta the shower, and had just spashed on a few dabs of my bran’ new JS Aupres cologne recommended by my significant other, to improve my manly stench. Maybe a few dabs too many.
The elevator stops on 19, and a 40ish Chinese man and his somewhat younger female companion get on. The woman sniffs the air a few times.
“Wow, that cologne smells pretty strong,” she remarks in Chinese.
The man looks me up and down before replying, “It’s Adidas, nothing special.”
“How much is it?”
“About 50 kuai a bottle. It’s cheap.”
I get off the elevator first, and walk through the lobby and swing open the main door. The couple behind me speed up, and I hold the door open for them.
“SANK YOU!” the man, says in his best attempt at some English.
I tap him on the elbow to get his attention, lean forward and reply in Chinese “No problem brother, us foreigners always do our best to be polite.”
Elevator Anecdote #2:
This one was a conversation that I overheard just today. Similar circumstances, but a different Chinese couple. A 50ish man toting a black man purse, and a women who looked to be in her late 20s get on the elevator as I’m making my descent. They are apparently in the middle of a conversation, oddly enough about perfume.
“So do you really think that perfume is the best one?”
“Yes, you could say that,” he says hesitatingly.
“Well, I think it’s an excellent perfume.”
The man, looks me up and down, and apparently decides he can speak freely.
“Well, it’s not excellent if we make love and my wife smells it when I go home!”
I decided I’d better bite my tongue on that one.
Maybe it really is better if nobody talks in elevators. 🙂
i liked anecdote no.2 best… that greasy old horn-dog!
I was once on a crowded bus here in Suzhou, and wearing perhaps one spray too much of Hugo Boss cologne, and as the bus got more crowded, a 1 metre radius safety zone emerged around me, with not even farmers who were plastered in pig shit willing to come near me!
men’s cologne does not sell well here, i’ve heard!
Nor do breathmints.
Haha… I’ve heard that first story a couple times over beers and laugh every time.
@Steven: Good tip mate.
Most of what I hear in elevators is pretty dull. I try to zone out so I don’t have to listen about how there’s a waiguoren living in the building.
Most of what I hear in elevators in my building is parents yelling at their kids for doing immature stuff that kids do like not tying their shoes.
Reminds me of when I just moved to Morioka, northern Japan about 17 years ago; not many foreigners there at that point. As we stopped at a floor the elevator filled to bursting, with a young boy in his fathers arms staring at me over his father’s shoulder. The elevator was dead silent, until the boy said innocently enough, “gaijin da” (a foreigner!); we all burst out laughing.
Axe man?